SATURDAY, 03 SEPTEMBER 2005

Okay kids. Normally I love the Target. In fact, let's be honest here, I'd LIVE at the Target if they sold beds like at Macy's (that's always been a dream of mine, staying in the malls until after closing and then browsing from store to store and sleeping in a Ralph Lauren bed on the 3rd floor of Sears or something). Truthfully, I can't make it out of Target without spending at least $100 on wonderfully useless things; it's always surprising to me how quickly little cheap things can become big expensive things, but today's Target day was not a day like that.

So let's set the stage. Brooklyn Target is very similar to Portland Target in appearance. They have the same things and essentially the same layout, except Brooklyn Target is two stories and has a separate escalator for your shopping cart (this is a New York thing, they have them everywhere, and they are SO COOL). The Brooklyn Target on Atlantic Ave must be the only Target in all of Brooklyn for the amount of people there today. I got in cart fender-benders and was boxed in at the electronics section and stepped on at least three 5-year olds becasue they DON'T LOOK WHERE THEY'RE GOING, those punks, but I had a list and I was going to SURVIVE.

The lines at Brooklyn Target are another thing. They're soo long. I had finally gotten up to the front and had all my Target goodies rung up and I reached in my bag to pull out my wallet and then - NO WALLET.

You know those moments in movies where a central character has a realization and they do that ridiculous flash-back thing where the camera zooms in and WOOOSH! there's the bomb or WOOOSH! she remembers an important detail? Okay, that happened to me, no kidding. WOOOSH! and there's my wallet, by the laptop, with my CELLPHONE which I also forgot (I'm on a roll today) and I realized that today would not be the day in which I would have three new apothecary jars in my kitchen filled with M&Ms and Sour Patch Watermelon candies. Nope, today was the day I discovered I was going prematurely senile.

When I walked in the door, burning with frustration, The Husband handed me my wallet and asked "Was that the most frustrating trip to Target you've ever had or WHAT??"